Now, I know that with a title like this you’d expect the
author to be Steven King.
It wasn’t that bad. Sort of.
My problem occurred when I tried to add a second wireless
router to my house to get better speed on the 4th floor – a problem
since the primary router and the cable modem are on the 2nd floor. I connected
the two routers via an Ethernet cable (connecting them wirelessly is a bad
idea) and configured the secondary router as required so it wouldn’t conflict
with its primary sibling.
This all worked well for a day or so until the network
speeds dropped to almost nothing. Even the Amazon Echo Dots were gasping for
bandwidth. “Can’t…talk…can’t…” Poor
Alexa.
Anyway, I tried lots of things, including new equipment. But
the same thing happened. Finally, I decided the problem must be with Comcast
rather than in the house. But I actually had no idea why.
So I started an Xfinity chat. If you didn’t know already,
Comcast likes to be called Xfinity. Not surprising since Comcast has won
America’s most hated company award for the last
-- I don’t know how many years. Ever since they began giving the award,
I guess.
Changing your name is a good way to make people forget who
you really are, so I can’t blame them. I mean, it worked for Whitey Bulger.
Soon, I assume the Comcast that begat Xfinity will be known
as SmileyFace, Inc. More fun for corporate genealogists.
Anyway, I got the usual scripted start. After opening with a
detailed description of my problem, including what was wired to what and so on,
“Joy” pushed the button on her screen that sent me: “I don’t understand, can you be more
specific?” When I restated the problem using a few different words, she punched.
“OK, I understand.”
Sigh.
We did a speed test and I was getting 2-5 Mbps, which is not
nearly as good as they get in Albania. Carrier pigeons do better. However, I
pointed out that, while I hadn’t measured the speed before I started messing
with the wireless, it had always been a whole faster than it was now. What
caused the change?
Joy didn’t answer, but she did discover that my cable modem
wasn’t activated with Xfinity. An illegal alien, so to speak. Not even a green
card. She then “escalated” me to “Elaine,” who was in charge of activation.
Elaine activated me – I feel much purer now – but also
didn’t answer my question as to why things could have been fine for a year
until I started playing around with the system. No script button for that. Instead,
she escalated me to “Ragu” – the first real name so far, I assume.
Ragu started by saying he was going to take a few minutes to
read the chat text, then came back with a script-button statement that showed
he hadn’t read it at all. I corrected him – he ignored that – and he then proceeded
to sync the modem and have me do a speed test. This time it came out at a
speedy, 30 Mpbs. More than I was paying for, Ragu observed dryly.
So I asked my “what caused the change” question again. There
was a pause while Ragu looked for a script button with the right label. Then,
not finding one, he tapped a screen button that did exist and sent me some text
asking whether I’d take a survey at the end of the chat. Sigh. Again.
This was an interesting mismatch between me and support. I
understand the network conceptually, but have never taken the time to master
the details – which explains why it took me so long to connect with support.
They are the other way around –sheltering under the trees
and ignorant of the forest -- which is why they couldn’t answer my question. Once
the customer is off technical support’s flowchart, and there’s no scripted
answer to send, the people in the cubicles just push a button and send some
text – even if it’s unrelated to the question.
America is quickly becoming a lot like a vast technical
support operation. Individuals are busy, busy, busy, and don’t have time or the
willingness to deal with complicated things like government that aren’t on
their daily life flowchart. So they just push the button -- or pull the lever -- that seems to be the simplest solution. Looking at it like this explains a lot.
