Bimbo Apocalypse?
A few weeks ago, Trump dismissed notorious bimbo Kristi Noem from her job as Secretary for Advancing Kristi Noem—I don’t remember the actual title. For those accustomed to seeing Kristi’s sultry good looks on TV a lot, this was a sad day.
Then, it was cute, perky blonde Pam Bondi’s turn. Realistic observers are asking—is this the Wacko Administration’s bimbo apocalypse?
Recent news reports indicate that Trump is also considering firing Karoline Leavitt, and Tulsi Gabbard. And he’s apparently given up on appointing Alina Habba and Lindsey Halligan to high profile US Attorney jobs.
The slang word “bimbo” refers to someone, normally female, who is unusually attractive and unusually clueless in her employment. Trump has some history here.
Let’s consider the once impressive lineup.
Noem has a pretty face and is very nicely turned out. Well-dressed too. Indeed, the ex-Secretary’s good taste in clothes makes one wonder about her much-rumored relationship with Corey Lewandowski, to whom the word “tasteful” has never been applied. Ditto for “intelligent.” Still, the partnership worked. I mean, there she was—often—on your TV.
Some say Noem’s looks are courtesy to plastic surgery. If so, it’s good work. In the spirit of intra-administration sharing, she should give her surgeon’s number to Pete Hegseth, whose face looks like it was sculpted by a head-on collision.
Objectively, Pam Bondi is quite pretty, but every time I see her photo I can’t help but think of my neighbor’s pit bull. She has the bubbly blonde look, but the acid-tongued demeanor doesn’t quite fit.
One has to acknowledge that Bondi has been a pathbreaker. While her predecessors typically brought to the Attorney General position the credentials of America’s top universities and a recognized background in legal scholarship, Ms. Bondi advances the rough and tumble history of a career politician and the academic chops of Florida’s Stetson University. A precedent, for sure.
Alina Habba, not a mere bimbo but genuinely hot, was on TV a lot during the years she was helping Trump secure a remarkable string of court losses. Despite her desperate attempts to hang on, Trump eventually gave up on his effort to appoint her as US Attorney for New Jersey. She didn’t yield the authority easily. Sadly, for months after leaving office she could be spotted at a desk in the federal building’s lobby, smiling behind a sign offering to indict Democrats for a nominal fee.
Trump evidently spotted Halligan while she was doing mundane chores in a not famous law firm. He was taken, it seems, by her intellectual prowess. She does indeed have prominent, uh, “intellects,” having worked as a model and possessing an appearance very much in the Ivanka/Melania mold. As we’ve seen over and over again, Trump likes the looks. And Trump certainly has a penchant for prominent intellects.
Trump tried to make Halligan the US Attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia. An important jurisdiction which often handles high profile national security cases. However, in the general chaos of a previously failed appointment and in a rush to push indictments of enemies before looming deadlines, Trump failed to make a legal appointment, the consequence of which was the rejection of the indictments of James Comey and Letitia James by district judges. In the course of the investigations, allegations surfaced that Halligan had won an indictment by telling a grand jury that she had lots of other evidence that would be presented later. In the legal world, this is a major no-no, for reasons that are obvious when you think about it. To be fair, though, it’s unreasonable to expect Halligan to know this, since she has no experience as a prosecutor.
Leavitt is younger and certainly pretty, although it’s likely even Reubens would have found her exaggerated hip shape a bit much. Still, while a fail for New York modelling agencies, these lines definitely work for the electorally-coveted WWE/Joe Rogan demographic.
Leavitt would appear Wacko-administration clueless if not for her inspired creation of the AI-based Political Quip-Generator.
Concerned that a major predecessor had been best known as a serial liar, Leavitt chose offense—instead of actual answers, she would respond with propaganda-style quips. As a young person, she naturally turned to AI for help and only had to feed the collected speeches of Benito Mussolini into Claude to get what she wanted. Every one of her always concise answers now heaps glory on the administration, actively denigrates the Democrats and, when needed, ignores the actual question. Thanks Claude, mission accomplished.
Over at the Pentagon, Blowdry Pete began using the same system, except instructing it to add lots of Christian quotes—albeit none from the New Testament. All went well until one day, gazing at the reflective screen, Blowdry impulsively asked Claude, “Who has the best hair in Wackoland?” When the software loyally responded “Karoline does,” he immediately ordered the entire Department for Crusades to choose new AI software. Take that, Claude.
So is this the Bimbo Apocalypse? It seems so. Trump, fearing the midterms, is going with the suits. Will it work? Don’t think so. Joe Rogan has already defected and I don’t see the WWE demographic choosing Todd Blanche over Alina Habba. I expect the heat of weak October polls to bring a reversal to form, headlined by Lindsey Halligan as Attorney General. So, she isn’t distinguished as a lawyer. So what? She has Trumpian intellects.
