Cracking the Last Elements
of the “Klutzki Ring”
Here comes W’s memoir. Do
you wonder if it will give you fifteen percent or more of the truth? …….Well, did
Iraq really have weapons of mass destruction?
OK, that’s a cheap shot. But
at a time when people are questioning President Obama’s citizenship, religion,
and lack of a human personality, we should wonder about his predecessor—was W
really who we thought he was? Specifically, was he actually a Russian spy?
There may be some clues
in recent events.
Newspaper stories last
summer about the ten clumsy and incompetent Russian “sleeper” spies gave us a
welcome respite from gloomy coverage of defecating oil wells and defecting
athletes. Anyone, except maybe a Russian “spymaster,” had to have been amused
by accounts of clueless spooks searching for secrets on Google and passing
documents to each other in invisible ink while giggling FBI agents watched. We
could even laugh in sympathy when members of the “Klutzki Ring” protested their
innocence with statements like, “Ve chust natural-born Amerikansis is.”
But the whole
soon-to-be-a mini-series saga makes one wonder. Isn’t there something eerily
familiar about the way these ultra-inept spies talk? Remember this famous
phrase of W’s: “Families is the hope of the future, where wings take dream!” Doesn’t
that sound like something a foreigner would say?
People who study
languages observe that it isn’t always the accent that gives non-native
speakers away; most anyone can learn a good accent (except perhaps at a Moscow
spy school). The hard thing is the syntax—the way words are arranged in phrases.
Now, W’s syntax has always seemed foreign, and linguists who analyzed the sentences
quoted above agree the syntax could be Russian. (Or perhaps, Klingon, it’s
really hard to tell.)
Anyway, thinking of W as
a Russian spy offers a new light on the recent past. It isn’t just that his
English sounded like the way you would learn it in Moscow. Remember the
incident when he fawned over Russian leader Putin, saying that he had seen his
soul? Could that have been a spy sucking up to his controller?
Also, who would better
fit the term “sleeper” than W? A man who is reported to have vacationed about a
third of the time during eight years “on the job?”
When you look back, W
never really seemed to fit in, not even with his family. I mean his supposed father,
the one in what could be his Moscow-supplied “legend,” is very intelligent, notably
brave and had accomplished a lot before he was elected.
Think about it. In real
life, can the apple fall that far from the tree?
Of course, it would be
tough for a spy to communicate if he was actually President. Every time W tried
to write something in invisible ink, someone would scoop up both pen and paper
for the national archives.
But the W the spy’s mode
of communication might be found in his public speeches. Perhaps, as they say,
he was “hiding in plain sight.”
Don’t you think the idea
of W as a Russian spy could give new insight into such public statements as:
“Yesterday, you made note of my — the lack of my talent when it came to dancing. But
nevertheless, I want you to know I danced with joy. And no question Liberia has
gone through very difficult times." —Speaking with the president of
Liberia, Washington, D.C., Oct. 22, 2008”
and
"This thaw — took a while to thaw, it's going
to take a while to unthaw." —On liquidity in the financial markets,
Alexandria, La., Oct. 20, 2008.”
Certainly, a plausible explanation
for these statements is that they are a deep and sophisticated code, cleverly
designed by some denizen of the Kremlin to appear the way we Americans took
them, as mere babble.
There are problems with
the spy theory, though. Being a spy is demanding work. A real spy would have to
be constantly alert, clever, even cunning.
So, I guess the idea of W
as a spy doesn’t fit. I mean, even just the “alert” part…
OK, consider this.
Perhaps the FBI trolled W as a potential spy past the “Klutzki Ring” and they
bit. The G-men now had someone who would be perfect for feeding disinformation.
This would make W a
double agent. Unwittingly of course (probably the only way it could happen in his
case).
However, if the FBI was
trying to use W as a double agent, vigilance would be needed. There would have to
be some powerful government official nearby, sniffing into every dark corner, racing
after every unsavory rumor... No, Ken Starr had left Washington by that time.
But, wait a minute. There was someone
else in the shadows, always ready to stir up new conflict, always watching,
even from the cardiac care unit.
Well, if W was set up by
the FBI as a double agent, what would G-men’s purpose be? What disaster would they
foist on the Russians by feeding them misleading information?
Hmmm. Do you think it’s true?
You know the rumor about a raft of Kremlin insiders being secret partners in Lehman
Brothers?
Meanwhile, about Obama
and that not-quite-human personality—don’t his ears look a lot like those of
Spock on Star Trek? Do you suppose…
Nom de Plume recommends the
recent thriller, Killing Justice.
