On Not Hearing the Homily

All my life I’ve struggled with human speech. If a person talks continuously for more than a few minutes, I’m off riding my own mental drone, buzzing and skimming erratically through a forest of random thoughts like an inebriated dragonfly. My impromptu flights seems to want to take me anywhere and everywhere – just not back in the direction of that human sound, which is annoying to me because I can’t quite stay fixed on it.

I’m obviously better with interactive speech. Otherwise I’d be writing this from a monastery or an asylum. Still, when people start to repeat themselves, or drift off into pointless trivia, my mental drone is there to free me.  

Hillary’s Secret Emails

By Garrison Walters

Computer ignorance abounds in our society. It all began with the poster child of digital illiteracy, Ollie North, who wasn’t curious enough to ask whether “delete” really meant “gone forever.” The problem continues with the subscribers to the Ashley Madison website, who paid to have their accounts deleted and evidently truly believed that this had been done. Of course, the Ashley Madison affair (heh, heh) also shows the core failings of men. It turns out that 99 and a fraction per cent of the women registered on the site were fake. This means that the real women in the database, eleven by my count, have been either really, really busy or, far more likely, are graduate students writing dissertations in the fast-rising social science category of "Cognitive Dissonance and the Intermittent Male Appendage." 

I wrote a book about the problem of digital illiteracy, Total F*ing Magic, whose purpose is to help folks understand stuff like where email goes. But no one reads it. It seems that people just want to believe all is well and make the same mistakes over and over again. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the erstwhile Colonel’s handle is found on the Ashley Madison website. Hillary Clinton is another digital naif, so, to make a point – and possibly to sell some books -- I’m publishing some emails from her “deleted” archive.  

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Dear Chelsea:

My first day at the State Department! I’ve been told that all my communications using official systems or even written while in the office are public documents, so I’m using this private server and personal phone for my connections with family and friends. What could go wrong?

Mom, Wise in Washington

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Bill:

I’ve read carefully your request for a million dollar donation to the “Save the Miss America Pageant” foundation.

Kevin Carey: Evangelical Polemicist

by Garrison Walters

Introduction:  A Story, Not an Analysis

It was a chilly spring day when I turned on my iPad and started to read The End of College.

Actually, I'm not sure why that's relevant since I was on a Boeing 777 surfing the North Atlantic jet stream. But Carey likes to open sections in his ostensibly serious analysis of higher education with mood-setting weather and place observations, so I can too.

Another reason to begin a review in this fashion is to draw attention to the nature of Carey’s book.

The End of College includes lots of statistics and comments about data, and even has pages of footnotes. Given all this scholarly skin, you might conclude that it is a serious, objective analysis. If so, you would be wrong.

In fact, The End of College isn’t in any way objective, nor is it true analysis. Instead, this book is a story. Indeed, it’s a story told exclusively from one point of view. Typically, writing that presents a single perspective is called a polemic.

Carey approaches higher education the same way as anti-vaccination activist Jenny McCarthy does medical science:  find information you like and ignore everything else. Kevin and Jenny can both present things prettily, and when they do, the impact can be huge.

But are the results positive? Let’s discuss.  

Will Autonomous Killer Bots Need Driver’s Licenses?

by Garrison Walters

A major debate in the tech world at the moment is whether we should allow the creation of autonomous killer robots for the military. “Autonomous” means the bots make their own decision about when to shoot. Many buzzkill scientists have come out against the idea.

This whole discussion seems pointless to me. I mean, you know where the NRA is going to come down on this. Because bots are programmed, they are obviously part of the Second Amendment’s “well regulated militia.” And what the NRA wants…

The Introvert’s Guide to Social Media

by Garrison Walters

“He who lived well, hid well.”  -- Rene Descartes

If you’re a serious, hard-core introvert like me, the very word “social” gives you a chill, a quick sense of something ominous just ahead.

Add the word “media” to “social” and you have a vision of hordes of celebrities invading your private space, the light from their shiny teeth illuminating the darkest corners of your life.

We’ll, I’m here to tell you that image is wrong, In fact, social media is much worse than that. It’s the death of privacy. It’s offering yourself up for sacrifice on the altar of extroversion.

Why I’ve Taken the BBC Off My Reading List

by Garrison Walters

Somewhere back in the spring, along about March I think, I was doing my regular cycle of web pages when I saw something ominous:  the BBC was inviting me to “preview their new look.”

I didn’t click because I knew what it would be:  lots more white space and way more use of videos.

Sure enough, a few days later that’s what I saw.

Moto 360 Review

by Garrison Walters

I got a Fitbit for Christmas and found it really useful. Unfortunately, the band was hard to operate and challenging to keep attached. I bought a “guard” but eventually lost the band with the very small electronic part embedded in it.

The Fitbit was my first fitness assistant device, and it gave me the bug. I really liked the information it offered and wasn’t bothered at all by having it on my arm.

So, when I saw the Moto 360 on sale at Best Buy for half the price of the iWatch, I decided to go for it.

The Duke

The other day, driving down the freeway, I saw a billboard featuring John Wayne, quoted as saying something tough. It got me to thinking. The Duke was somewhat controversial during his lifetime, but whatever your opinion of his politics or lifestyle, you'd have to agree the man knew how to take a fake punch.     

Stories I Never Started Reading

Stories I Never Started Reading

• Should I tell my fiancée that I’m bisexual and had sex with her dad?
• Clandestinely control your smartphone by stroking your hair.
• Iron Throne toilet lets you rule the bathroom.
• Bruce Jenner’s ex-wives weigh In.
• Comcast vows to put customers first.
• Cutting a bugs' penis shorter found to reduce reproduction chances.
•  Quail breeding discoveries shed light on human sexuality.
• Le pole-dancing, discipline olympique?
• A Lively Comment Discussion About Dementia and Sex
• Twitter envisions drones controlled by your tweets
• Researchers establish the world's first mathematical theory of humor 
• VR porn lends a hand. Masturbation will never be the same

Republican Primaries: The Ottoman Solution

So many running for President, so hard to keep track. Every current and former Republican governor, a gaggle of Senators. Then there’s the pediatric neurosurgeon (retired) and the failed technology executive. Also The Donald, and continuing in that vein, I expect at least one professional wrestler.

Why so many Republican princes contending for the throne?

A simple answer:  there’s no downside and a big upside to running.

California Dreaming in Texas

Even during the worst budget years California’s citizens and leaders have always recognized the value of higher education. People across the state, including in both political parties, know that excellence in the flagship University of California system has been a key factor in the state’s comparatively prosperous and high tech economy.

The state has now restored fiscal stability and, though many problems remain, is looking toward a vibrant future.

Given better times, we should expect UC to amp up efforts to recruit outstanding researchers, especially in the sciences.

Play Opera!

Sometime last spring, I began to have trouble falling asleep at night. It was a real downer until I discovered baseball. What could be more soporific than a big screen filled with relaxed looking people standing around on a field of soft green? Zzzz.

Conservative Economics

Recently, I remarked to a conservative friend that I thought Paul Krugman’s writing was among the best I’d ever read. He replied that I should read the Wall Street Journal to get a more balanced perspective.

I let that pass, but if I’d been more assertive I’d have stated that I don’t want to pay a chunk of dollars every month to read people advocating antediluvian economic theories.

Cultural Dimensions

Decoding the Rules of Conversation

By Pamela Druckerman

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/17/opinion/decoding-the-rules-of-conversation.html

Ms. Druckerman’s essay resonates at two levels.

At the most basic, she is an unusually intelligent person, a gifted writer and, I would speculate, a very pleasant person to be around.

Me, The Great

Sylvia and I were discussing relatives during our beach walk the other day, and I realized that most of the people I called “aunt,” and “uncle,” were in fact “great” aunts and uncles.

And this led me to realize that, thanks to Alex and Kate Didion, I am also a Great Uncle.

Remembering that ambassadors and former ambassadors get to be called “ambassador” no matter where they are, I now wish to be addressed as “His Excellency, Garrison The Great Uncle.”

It Must Be Very Sad When Children Start School

“It must be very sad when your children start school.”

I stared blankly. A moment ago I’d been asleep on the couch, then the doorbell rang and here was this tall, blond man, blathering about school. Odd, but I had to respond…

Russia’s Ukrainian Disaster

Nearly everyone believes the best way to solve problems is careful discussion among reasonable, rational people. Unfortunately, political conflicts often produce emotional dimensions that have the ability to sweep away exchanges of this kind, and the long-term crisis in Ukraine is a case in point.

What if reasonable, rational people on each side were able to bypass the politicians and sit down to develop a solution?